In the Coop

A robber with a bag of loot
Is being chased by the Plod down past the suet
Both ignore a couple with lots of money
Getting frisky down by the honey
They’re too busy to notice the tin foil hat
Worn by the paranoid part-time acrobat
Swinging high above from aisle to aisle 
Picking up shopping with grace and style

Meanwhile a dwarf hides some strawberry jam

A pizza, and some sliced spiced ham

What’s he gonna make with that?

Strawberry spiced ham Pizza he said matter-of-fact

He’s in cahoots with the pirate with a curly hook

Who has a full basket but can’t cook

Looking like he knows what he’s going to do

But everyone knows he has no clue

A posh girl steals a small bottle of gin

Small bottles don’t count apparently - they’re not a sin

Startled by kids bursting in from the street

But Security snoozes while they raid the sweets

A suspicious guy with a suspicious gait

Rushes in hoping he’s not too suspiciously late

For a romantic evening just for two

He’s arranged to meet her by the loo

A little fella with a funny hat

I wonder what he keeps under that?

Furtively looking at the pies

He’s in training to be a hungry spy

But he misses two men dressed in black

In deep discussion by the milk

Whole, semi or completely skimmed

Or best just to stick with the large bottle of Pimms

A rabbi with his hot cross buns

Ignores the sniggers of three nuns

Who quietly hide their G&T’s

From two old fogies by the cheese

Who gossip loudly they would have never guessed

Until they burst in on the vicar partly dressed

With the Floosie at number 58

Playing chess until very late